The Bed Is Too Big Without You

The bed is too big without you...

I have never disagreed with any of his design choices for any of our homes, from our 1st apartment in 1979 to Post Apocalyptic Bohemia in the 21st century; even when those design choices were bold, to say the least.


The Husband sat through every play that I ever performed in, back in my acting days. He would see the ones that he liked more than once & he would be gentle in his opinion with the shows that he did not care for & on occasion really disliked. Bless his soul, he sat through my brilliant turn in Becket’s Endgame, & possibly the worst production of Cabaret (although he did point out that as Herr Shultz, it was as if the actress I played opposite & I were seemingly in a separate show). When he loved my performance & was behind the production, he could be the biggest fan (Pump Boys & Dinettes).


The Husband & I have the same taste in films, theatre, TV, books & we enjoy sharing the experiences. Where we differ, we are challenged & interested in the other person’s choices. I am engaged by nature & history documentaries when channel hopping & he likes Survivor, which is my cue to go to bed early.


We travel very well together, which I believe could be litmus test for any friendship. We don’t have separate money, we have the same friends, for decades we had one wardrobe, until I got bigger & he got smaller. It is a marriage that mostly works & after 31 years, there are rarely any big surprises.

It didn’t seem to be a big deal, & there was no malice, impatience or judgment involved in my moving the coat that he had placed across the handsome, modern desk chair at my worktable & placing it in the coat closet. He knows that I am just short of needing medication for compulsive neatness. We have the coat closet & coat racks on the landing to the basement. I wasn’t unhappy with him & I showed no irritation when I moved his outerwear. Yet, he was furious with me.


The Husband has a similar reaction when I arrive home from work & immediately commence to cleaning. He seems to feel that I am editorializing. I have made a heartfelt attempt to not do that, but sometimes the need to wash dishes & clean the counters wins out of best intentions.


The vibe between us was anxious, angry & averse because of the coat moving incident. We snapped at each other, were driven off track with mentions of past slights & we ended the evening not speaking. As always in this situation, I was so bruised that I chose to sleep on a day bed in the back room rather than join him in the marriage bed.

 The following evening the husband stated: “I find it very amusing that we punish each other by not sleeping together, as if we are doling out real reparation, retribution & reprimands by depriving the other of snoring, drooling, moving around & the ups & downs of a night’s sleep. Ooo, I am so angry with you, I am going to deprive you of my company while you slumber!”


I thought about our absolute antagonism & antipathy toward each other’s automobile driving techniques & skills. Too bad that we are not able to just exit the car & get in another when we swipe at each other while driving. “I am so mad at you, I am going to deprive you have the pleasure of having me in the automobile. I am going to just drive on my own! Bitch!”