Movement

We take in orphans here at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. Larry is a rescue dog. He was much loved by his original family, but he nipped at the brand new baby & was sent away. Larry went to live with relatives of the original family. They didn’t like him & kept him in the garage. We think that he was snapped at or hit with a dish rag or towel. Larry becomes unglued at the sight of a dust cloth or rag in use. He is a corpulent, covetous, cantankerous, churlish canine. It is not hard to deny the similarities between this cur & Your Host.

We think that Larry is 14-ish years old & he is starting to fail. Cloudy eyes, lumps under the skin, sleeps a lot of the time. We have been through it with Baby, Sister, & Butch (terriers all) before him. Larry will sometimes not be able to walk & he drags his hind legs behind him as he scoots his way around the house. But if food is involved Larry is suddenly a puppy & on the run. He falls down stairs & only wants to walk one block on our outings.


Dogs come into our lives destroying the carpet & they leave the same way. Larry has always been a very good boy about “accidents” in the house. He was 8 years old when he was brought to our family, fully house trained, & with basic commands learned.

This morning, I left the house at 4:10am for my commute to the job. The still sleeping Husband heard Larry ask to go out at 5am. When he asks these days, you have to really hurry or he won’t make it. Larry didn’t make it. As the Husband open the sliding glass door to the back garden, he stepped, each foot, in slippery, stinky, steamin' shit. He recalled that the dog poop oozed in between each toe & into each toenail & crease of his foot.


So as not to ruin the carpet, or even the hard wood floors, the Husband made his way from the backroom, through my workspace & down a short hallway to the bathroom & shower. He accomplished this journey on his knees & elbows to avoid feces features imprinted in the flooring. According to the Husband the cleanup process was neither pleasurable nor painless. That was the start of the Husband’s day & the answer to my question: “How was your morning?”


I only wish that I had been there to capture it on camera. I would have sent the video to Oprah or Ellen, or even Nate, after making a plea: “Please Oprah/Ellen/Nate, help my husband! He is having a hard time of it. His life has gone to shit!”

One of these 2 hairy beasts is actually a warm, welcoming, winning, wonder of a love pup, & the other is crabby curgeudgeon that might like to take a chunk out of you. Venture to guess which is which?